What kind of shenanigans must be afoot for a dominant political party to see the SAVE Act as a threat? The DOGE Team’s latest release reveals fraud in unemployment insurance programs – including some from the future. And the governor of Maine has really stepped in it – all to the delight of politically savvy heartlanders.
DOGE Discovers Time Travel, Sponsored by the Feds
A survey of the unemployment insurance program revealed that the agency clerics must not have passed eighth-grade math. DOGE’s report lists 28,000 individuals between the ages of 1 and 5 who have collected $254 million in benefits; 24,500 individuals over the age of 115 claimed $59 million, and 700 individuals with birth dates 15 years in the future accrued $69 million. The time travel conundrum is solved! “Your tax dollars were going to pay fraudulent unemployment claims for fake people born in the future!” DOGE head Elon Musk posted on X. “This is so crazy that I had to read it several times before it sank in.”
“In one case, someone with a birthday in 2154 claimed $41k,” DOGE revealed.
In Texas, Lisa Jeter was unimpressed with the concept of time travel. She commented: “This is absolutely maddening when American citizens can’t qualify for government assistance and have worked their whole lives! The Dems need to be thrown out and put in jail, and any RINOs who went along with these crimes.”
Christina VanCise in the Buckeye State also fumed: “Biggest rip off of American workers in history.”
Sonja D. Buck Thompson in Brownsville, TN, was all for cleaning house and then doing it all over again: “When y’all are done on the federal level, then go real local like our little towns. We need help!”
Fool Around and Find Out: Maine Edition
Leaders in the state of Maine have committed a compulsive – some might say competitive – sword-fall over what should be a nonissue: men participating in women’s sports. In February, Trump declared through an executive order that biological boys would not be permitted to play in girls’ sports – including locker room use. Because Governor Janet Mills has continued to poke the orange bear, all K-12 funding for Maine has been rescinded. The Department of Justice (DOJ) is now mulling over consistent noncompliance with the ban and deciding who to make an example of moving forward.
“The Department has given Maine every opportunity to come into compliance with Title IX, choosing instead to prioritize an extremist ideological agenda over their students’ safety, privacy, and dignity,” Craig Trainor, acting assistant secretary for civil rights at the Education Department, said in a recent announcement.
“The Maine Department of Education will now have to defend its discriminatory practices before a department administrative law judge and in a federal court,” said Trainor. “Governor Mills would have done well to adhere to the wisdom embedded in the old idiom – be careful what you wish for. Now she will see the Trump Administration in court.”
Hoosier Joe Smith had a few other states he’d like to see poke the bear: “Do it. Include California and Colorado, too. Keep your eye on WA state, too.”
Changing Cudgels
Republican House lawmakers and four of their colleagues from across the aisle voted to pass the SAVE Act. It’s a logical bill that one might assume every American would embrace: All citizens must require proof of citizenship to cast a federal ballot. Somehow, in the deep recesses of the spin machine for the left, the argument now is that it would keep married women from voting. Headscratcher. The explanation given is that if they took their husband’s name, it would not match official birth certificates.
It’s as illogical as the flat earth arguments – and it calls to mind another ploy used by congressional Democrats: the argument that voter ID requirements are racist because black and brown people have a hard time getting state IDs. Now it’s women and surnames. How many ways will the progressive left find to insult the minorities they claim to protect?
To refute this new argument, White House Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller went on Hannity for a discussion. “The only reason, Sean, you would be against any of that is if you wanted illegal aliens to vote and to vote in incredibly large numbers. So, let’s just deal with all of this BS right now,” Miller said.
“Every other country in the world of any note requires an ID to vote,” Miller added. “The notion that Democrats are pushing that married women, who, by the way, are a Republican voting demographic, cannot get ID could be one of the dumbest talking points I have heard in my entire life.”
One southern gentleman, Dan Owens, advised: “Don’t assume they’ve peaked yet, though.”
One Final Note
He came, he went, and he reported back. Late-night comic host Bill Maher had dinner at the White House with President Trump and Kid Rock. He relayed his visit on air with applause from the audience and a heckle or two.
“Honestly, I voted for Clinton and Obama, but I would never feel comfortable talking to them the way I was able to talk with Donald Trump,” Maher said during a 13-minute report on the dinner. In Moscow, OH, Duane Ubel clarified: “He acts differently in public because he is being attacked constantly.”
“That’s just how it went down; make of it what you will,” Maher concluded, leaving the naysayers feeling the chill, adding, “Me, I feel it’s emblematic of why the Democrats are so unpopular these days.”
Editor’s Note: From the Back Forty is Liberty Nation’s longest-running and most popular weekly column.
